Practically every time my son or nephew drive somewhere, I can be heard reciting my mantra, “be careful, don’t speed, pay attention”. I’m sure they don’t even hear me anymore. I also want to know specifically where they are at all times. I’m sure there are times when they resent it and think it’s because we don’t trust them, but I wish they could realize they’re doing this for me, for my sanity, my sense of well being. Why? Because the biggest fear I have as a parent is that one of them won’t think, won’t be careful enough, or will be in the wrong place at the wrong time. There’s little I can do to control the situation and keep them safe so I become maniacal about reminding them to be vigilant themselves. If you’re a parent, you know what I’m talking about.
Yesterday we spent the afternoon with our closest friends, Tina and Ed, at ECMC as their son Jacob was in critical care ICU. Same thing as above, Tina knew where he was and where he was going, and instead of the text from Jacob that he had arrived at Hallie’s, she received the phone call from a classmate that there had been an accident. Jake dumped his motorcycle, landed on his chest, collapsed his lungs and broke a couple of ribs. Our dearest friends got to see their boy on the side of the road and then wait for Star Flight to take him to ECMC. No control, nothing they could do to make it better, nothing they could have done differently to keep him safe short of locking him in the house and preventing all freedom (which doesn’t work either). Just watch their son suffer. Luckily Jacob will survive this. He will go through many hours, days and weeks of recovery but thank God, will survive.
This is what we most fear when our kids leave each time. I wish every teenager could see the anguish that Tina and Ed have to endure. And I wish they would think of it every time they leave the house, take a risk and feel invincible. The reason we’re so terrified as parents is because we know you’re NOT invincible and we remember thinking we were too. And we’re old enough to have helped friends and family through the pain of losing someone so precious.
Jacob wasn’t the only one to crash this past week. Our own Mary Rockey’s son was in a similar accident last weekend, complete with helicopter ride. In both cases, the boys will recover. But read Mary’s words she sent in an email to me (repeated with her permission) and then read this to your teenagers to help them understand–they are everything to us and even when they think they’re invincible, remind them that we’re not and it’s more than any parent should have to endure.
Mary writes of her son Michael after his accident,
Thank you for your understanding. I certainly hope we never go through anything like this again. He is like glue at my side, his choice as well as mine. He sat most of today with his head in my lap watching the boob tube. His brother is being so kind and loving that all of my concerns about them killing each other has passed 🙂
Later we rode up to see the spot of the accident, found one of his shoes and some clothes in the ditch and a few pieces of car. We also found his IPOD in a large puddle of gas and oil. It still works. The phone is gone so I will get him a new one.
Then we went to see the car. He had gotten some presents from his aunt and uncle who are visiting this week (thank God my brother in law drove me to ECMC last night because I don’t know if I could have done it). He was quite happy that his Penguins Stanley Cup shirt was unscathed. We couldn’t get the glove box open. The car is totaled but its strength and his seat belt saved him. I can’t tell you what it is like watching the helicopter fly overhead and know you are over an hour away from your child, unsure of his condition, where he is injured. No one needs it. He told me last night on our way home that he felt God’s arms around him in the car as it rolled. Surely it is true.
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Yes,A parent’s worst nightmare. I too received a call while I was at work that my son had been in a car accident.I remember Lori Milliman driving me (flying) to the crash scene at the narrows at the bottom of my hill. He was riding with his best friend and the driver got off in the lose gravel and flipped the car into the ditch. I remember seeing Shawn “hanging” upside down while attached to his seat belt. They both luckily had their seat belts on which is what saved them. They ended up with bumps and bruises and a new respect for the road. The car however didn’t fair that well. It is a parents worst nightmare. Luckily that turned out ok. I have had friends that weren’t as lucky. It is something you never forget as a parent.
I am participating in an on-line course to learn web 2.0 technologies, and I was directed to your site to explore how people are using blogs. What I found here was much more than just that. I found a moment to be thankful.
I have children who are not yet old enough to drive, but I remember how nervous my mother was when I began to learn. I couldn’t understand her fears then, but I certainly can now, and this post explains why. We are fortunate for each day we have with our kids. Thank you for sharing this story. I hope that now, a month after your post, both boys are continuing to recover well.
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Gulp. I have a Jacob, too, who is just learning to drive. I dread these types of moments when he’s out there driving on his own. My mom used to tell us that we had “precious cargo” in the car. I find myself saying the same thing now.
Wishing Jacob and Michael a speedy recovery.
Wow, this is any parents’ worst nightmare! Thank God my kids are too young to drive yet, I am so not ready for that, and probably never will be! My thoughts and prayers go out to both Mary Rockey’s family and the family of your good friends. Thankfully, I can wish these boys a speedy recovery!!!