Kimberly Moritz BlogPosts

Maria Shriver’s report, A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything, was published on October 16, 2009 and is down-loadable for free. I’m still not sure what I think about the full report–read it for yourself– but there are a couple of things that I just can’t leave alone.

The premise of the report is that it describes how a woman’s nation changes everything about how we live and work today. Chapters include among others: The New Breadwinners, Family Friendly for All Families: Workers and caregivers need government policies that reflect today’s realities, Sick and Tired: Working women and their health, Better Educating Our New Breadwinners: Creating opportunities for all women to succeed in the workforce.

I’ve not expressed my opinions on working women/mothers often. Largely I’ve been quiet because I don’t want to generalize or take away from someone else’s struggle, which may be real. So here’s my disclaimer, loud and clear, I am NOT generalizing or speaking of any other woman’s experience but my own. This is my personal experience with the topic at hand.

I don’t want anyone “creating opportunities for women”. I have thirty years in the workforce. Thirty, started when I was fifteen and have worked as everything from a sales clerk to a 7/11 manager to a secretary and then on to teaching and now administration. Throughout my education and in my professional life, I have never once been discriminated against, left out, eliminated or treated differently because I am a woman. Never. I worked hard and with ambition. I have gone after every job I’ve ever wanted, competed against men and women, and succeeded. Because of who I am as an employee/leader/thinker/problem solver–NOT because of my gender nor despite it.

Any talk of equalizing the opportunities for women is galling.  I’m proud to know that I can now sit at the school superintendents’ table as an equal without ever having been given a hand up. I have succeeded on my own merit and would compete against any male or female superintendent who I know for a position, without hesitation.

Next, I’ve succeeded while raising two kids along side my working husband. We’ve done it together as a team, we sought out and hired excellent caregivers when our children were small and we’ve shared responsibilities. I can remember feeling guilty for leaving my kids at the same time that my sister in law got to feel guilty for staying home and not providing an income. Hogwash. It’s a personal choice that a family makes and neither is right nor wrong. How we work out the details is what makes the difference.

“Sick and Tired?” As far as my health goes, I would challenge that my involvement in the work force, my commitment to learning, my ability to set and achieve goals are the same qualities that get me out of bed at 5:10 am to get on the treadmill, exercise, eat right and make healthy choices. I also maintain friendships with other working and non-working women who all do the same things. We support and encourage one another.

“Workers and caregivers need government policies that reflect today’s realities.” And here’s what really has me furiously writing this post–the conclusion of Shriver’s report is, get this:

The academic research, anecdotal evidence, personal reflections, and poll results that make up this unique report all confirm that recognizing women now constitute half of the workers in the United States is only the first step. The second is identifying what we need to do to reshape the institutions around us. We can then begin to take the necessary actions to readjust our policies and practices.

Yep, that’s just what successful hard working women like me have been waiting for all of these years–GOVERNMENT policies and practices to help us figure it out because goodness knows we can’t do it on our own. ARGH! Perhaps our government should just mind their own business, something that could sorely use their attention.

Practically every time my son or nephew drive somewhere, I can be heard reciting my mantra, “be careful, don’t speed, pay attention”. I’m sure they don’t even hear me anymore. I also want to know specifically where they are at all times. I’m sure there are times when they resent it and think it’s because we don’t trust them, but I wish they could realize they’re doing this for me, for my sanity, my sense of well being. Why? Because the biggest fear I have as a parent is that one of them won’t think, won’t be careful enough, or will be in the wrong place at the wrong time. There’s little I can do to control the situation and keep them safe so I become maniacal about reminding them to be vigilant themselves. If you’re a parent, you know what I’m talking about.

Yesterday we spent the afternoon with our closest friends, Tina and Ed, at ECMC as their son Jacob was in critical care ICU. Same thing as above, Tina knew where he was and where he was going, and instead of the text from Jacob that he had arrived at Hallie’s, she received the phone call from a classmate that there had been an accident. Jake dumped his motorcycle, landed on his chest, collapsed his lungs and broke a couple of ribs. Our dearest friends got to see their boy on the side of the road and then wait for Star Flight to take him to ECMC. No control, nothing they could do to make it better, nothing they could have done differently to keep him safe short of locking him in the house and preventing all freedom (which doesn’t work either). Just watch their son suffer. Luckily Jacob will survive this. He will go through many hours, days and weeks of recovery but thank God, will survive.

This is what we most fear when our kids leave each time. I wish every teenager could see the anguish that Tina and Ed have to endure. And I wish they would think of it every time they leave the house, take a risk and feel invincible. The reason we’re so terrified as parents is because we know you’re NOT invincible and we remember thinking we were too. And we’re old enough to have helped friends and family through the pain of losing someone so precious.

Jacob wasn’t the only one to crash this past week. Our own Mary Rockey’s son was in a similar accident last weekend, complete with helicopter ride. In both cases, the boys will recover. But read Mary’s words she sent in an email to me (repeated with her permission) and then read this to your teenagers to help them understand–they are everything to us and even when they think they’re invincible, remind them that we’re not and it’s more than any parent should have to endure.

Mary writes of her son Michael after his accident,

Thank you for your understanding. I certainly hope we never go through anything like this again. He is like glue at my side, his choice as well as mine. He sat most of today with his head in my lap watching the boob tube. His brother is being so kind and loving that all of my concerns about them killing each other has passed

Later we rode up to see the spot of the accident, found one of his shoes and some clothes in the ditch and a few pieces of car. We also found his IPOD in a large puddle of gas and oil. It still works. The phone is gone so I will get him a new one.

Then we went to see the car. He had gotten some presents from his aunt and uncle who are visiting this week (thank God my brother in law drove me to ECMC last night because I don’t know if I could have done it). He was quite happy that his Penguins Stanley Cup shirt was unscathed. We couldn’t get the glove box open. The car is totaled but its strength and his seat belt saved him. I can’t tell you what it is like watching the helicopter fly overhead and know you are over an hour away from your child, unsure of his condition, where he is injured. No one needs it. He told me last night on our way home that he felt God’s arms around him in the car as it rolled. Surely it is true.

I had a bizarre experience yesterday. When I saw my husband last night he told me about a young woman who had come to the house earlier in the day. He and my son were home and said a car pulled into the driveway and a young woman bolted up to the door. It wasn’t raining. No one was chasing her. When Derek answered the door she started talking and didn’t stop. She was selling educational materials.  

Now in fairness to my husband, he can’t keep track of all of the students I’ve had over the years and he figured she was one of my former students. He said she seemed like a real “go-getter” but he was vague in how he got her to leave. When she showed up at our door at about 7:30 pm, I knew. He told her to come back later when his wife was home!

Short of strangling my husband, I went to the door and met this young woman. No, I didn’t invite her in. No, I didn’t know her. We live in the middle of nowhere and seldom does someone come to the door. Yes,  I was somewhat rude. She started talking and didn’t stop and I have to tell you I found it down right creepy. She kept referencing all of these other families in Gowanda that we know, knew all of our names and thought I was the principal. Said she was selling educational materials. When I pointed out that my 21 year old daughter lives on her own and my son is about to be a senior, she just gained steam.

Now what materials could she possibly offer us? And what the heck is a young woman doing going door to door alone? If I wasn’t so annoyed I would have feared for her safety. She launched into something about SAT materials and when I said “NO thank you. My son just took the SAT”, I barely finished the sentence when she said, “I know, just like Taylor Anderson.” Her constant use of our neighbors’ and friends’ names was truly unsettling.

Listen folks:  when she shows up on your doorstep don’t give her any more information about any of us! I figure it’s a matter of time before she’s here in Randolph because she’s already been to our principal’s house in Cattaraugus. Honestly, if some one’s coming to my door they better be up front in the first 30 seconds about the purpose. After all, this woman came to my door uninvited for the sole purpose of selling me something I surely don’t need or want–how polite am I expected to be? Does anyone ever buy anything from her? Who else has had this experience?