Tag Archives: Our students

It occurs to me that sometimes we (those of us in public schools) avoid difficult parents. This is absolutely the wrong approach. Difficult parents are tough for lots of reasons, but usually, the primary reason is a frustration with our school through a lack of understanding, their own bad memories from a personal experience, or our lack of good service.

The toughest parents are the parents I should be spending more time with in an effort to eliminate that lack of understanding or memory. They should see us as employees who are here to help them navigate a system that may be foreign to them, or worse, one in which they personally met with little or no success. Tough parents are often difficult because life is tough for them.

When I started in administration at Frontier Middle School, I worked with an incredible school social worker named Dottie Laettner. For many reasons, most of all her passion for families, I learned a lot from her in the year and a half we worked together. There was something Dottie said to me that’s never left me. 

Dottie said, “Kim, even bad parents love their kids.”

They may lack the skills, the role models, or the emotional stability to get it right. But they love their kids. Honestly, it seldom bothers me when a parent comes at me in a tough way because I’m always thinking, “she’s just fighting for her kid.” Our parents may not always choose the most appropriate way, but heck, I’m glad to see them advocating for their child. That’s the most important thing they can do, that and loving them, and if we’re getting it right then they don’t have to come in “guns a blazing”. When it is our mistake, we need to own that too. Difficult parents understand that we all make mistakes, what they don’t accept is when we try to avoid it.

cross posted at LeaderTalk

1980, Boy meets girl, talks to girl, asks for phone number. Boy calls girl on her home phone, they talk until someone else in the house demands use of phone. No call waiting, no cell phones, no caller id. Boy asks girl out on date, girl says yes. Couple talks non-stop in the car, on the date, on the way home. Face to face, chemistry found–new date planned, start of story; no chemistry–no new date, end of story.

2007, Boy meets girl, talks to girl, asks for phone number. Boy starts texting girl. Boy and girl text incessantly for days, bringing up every imaginable topic. Boy asks girl out on date, girl says yes. Couple has already used up all of the “getting to know each other” topics on text message. Couple has nothing to say on first date. Awkward, who knows if chemistry would have been found?

I think it was better in 1980. I’m glad I’m old and married.

I started reading the new Harry Potter on Monday and that’s all I’ve basically done in my free time ever since. This is why I’ll never be physically fit–instead of exercising I listened to my daughter swimming 100 laps while I read. 

I had to take our dog to the vet for walk-in hours and so I took my book with me. In a crowded waiting room, my kids will tell you there’s no way I would sit there and read because, well, it’s crowded with people and I enjoy talking to people more than I enjoy reading. Sure enough there was a young man, Dustin, who I remembered from Randolph, a woman who’s granddaughter, Courtney, just graduated from Gowanda, and a woman from Pine Valley where I taught for ten years who’s related to one of my teachers. Sometimes it really does seem like I know everyone and I truly enjoy talking to them, hearing how they’re doing, listening to them.

But my favorite part of the wait time was talking to two kids, a ninth grade girl and her eight year old brother. I had the cairn terrier as a draw but then they just sat and talked to me, open faced and open minded, look you right in the eye stuff and talk about dogs, school, becoming a veterinarian, video games. And then she saw the book. Her eyes lit up, she pointed and showed her mom, and we really got to talk then. Her passion for these Harry Potter stories and our shared interest was a terrific connection.

I drove home thinking about this profession of ours. How much I love that I have connections with people from three different school districts all made through working with kids. This is the most incredible and rewarding and brilliant profession in the universe–the opportunity to connect with kids and to care about them and to gain entrance into their minds and their hearts. It’s a sacred place to be, inside their heads and their hearts, and I treasure every moment. It’s those connections, gaining that trust to be allowed in, this is the secret to our success and I believe it with my whole heart.

I saw one of our senior “pranksters” today. He came in to take a test and apologized to me. We talked for a while. He was defeated and beaten. He’s endured county jail, the loss of friends, suspension from school and the loss of the commencement ceremony.

The day before the smoke bomb  he was a carefree senior enjoying his last few days of high school. His decision to be remembered backfired significantly. He called Friday the worst day of his life.

He made a mistake. He is suffering significant consequences. He shows remorse. He’s learning from his mistake. He’s figuring out who his real friends are, who forgives and understands, and who judges harshly. He is spending what would have been two fun weeks, the last of this time in his life, feeling as bad about himself as it gets.

But he’ll survive. He’ll pick himself up and move on. He’ll be strong and he’ll think harder and longer before making a decision. He’s still our kid. He still graduates with a diploma. He still has a future with hopes and dreams and potential. He’s just mixed in some significant regret. Most people I know have some of that mixed in.

I hope G-Town remembers that not one of us should be defined by just one day in our lives. We’re much more complex than one event. This young man must not be defined by one day.  I still see the whole kid and I still like what I see.

If everything goes well, of our 120 graduating seniors, we’re set to graduate 31 Native American students this year. Have to tell you I didn’t even think about that until a very good friend called me this week to say,

Kim, it’s being talked about on the Cattaraugus Territory that Gowanda is graduating a record number of Native American students this year, we think more than ever before in history. More than the other three contract districts combined. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it, because it’s working.

This was from an extremely well respected member of our Native American community and of our Gowanda community. I have often shared my ideas and my frustrations with him because he was born and raised in Gowanda and he understands our struggles.

I didn’t think about the number of white or native american students because for me they are individuals, they are Devon, Terri Sue, Jamie, Morris, Jeremy, Evan, Courtney, Megan, and Presley. We’re still in the daily business, primarily my weary guidance counselors, of watching 30 students out of 120 who have some challenge between them and the diploma. We’re paying so much attention to the individuals that we won’t sit back and look at the group until we have to report data to the state.

G-Town, we all needed to hear my friend’s comment. With all of the measures that we use to evaluate “our success”, we can never forget that it comes down to Jeremiah, Cameron, Cat, Amanda, James, Alex and Brady. It comes down to them and the other 113 students about to obtain a diploma and a ticket to more opportunity.

On June 22, I won’t be thinking about our student achievement data. I’ll be thinking about the joy of standing in front of our community and congratulating each student as he or she walks across the field, diploma in hand. Some who did it easily without much help from us. Others who could incite back flips from me if I was capable. 🙂

That’s what I’m talking about!

It´s the last morning of our ten day trip, other than the final travel day home. I woke up early, I suppose it´s because I´m excited about the day. When I called Tallon´s room to wake them up for the trip to the flea market, they elected to sleep, but I tried to be convincing that they shouldn´t miss a thing. I´m hoping to see them at breakfast. We can sleep when we´re dead. Speaking of sleep, I´m a girl who likes 7-8 hours per night and I´m finding 5 works fine here. Maybe it´s the fantastic Spanish coffee!

I want to mention how terrific this trip has been as a bit of an endorsement for EF Tours. I traveled with them in the mid-90´s as a teacher and a couple of things have improved. Our hotel in London was very good, the one in Madrid excellent. The one in Paris is another story, but since it´s my only complaint, I´ll leave that for the evaluation. The food is much improved since my previous tours, I´ve really enjoyed every meal.

When we lead a student tour, one of the things that EF provides is a tour guide who´s with us the whole way. Ours on this trip has been Alexandra L. and she´s been absolutely fabulous. Her sunny attitude and easy spirit have helped set a good atmosphere. She´s also very accomodating and I never get the feeling like she wants to rush away when we have free time. In fact, she most often spends it with us. The thing I like best about her is that she really listens to our students and takes a sincere interest in them. Sounds like the same thing that makes for a good teacher, doesn´t it?

I think it´s a very good sign that we´re all talking about where we want to go in 2009 (Italy!), and we would definitely travel with EF Tours again. I´ve said it many times in these posts, this has been a non-stop, exhausting in a wonderful way, trip. I´m privileged to have come to know some of our students much better.

Yes, that´s what I´m known as now, the Gypsy Mama. Mrs. Dempsey is the Gypsy Queen. Otis, John, Tallon, and Jimmy have developed a strange fascination with the gypsies. When they come home speaking like Borat, please fix them.

John says it´s ¨crazy, crazy¨ here. They are helping me with this post, so it should be interesting. Pope is happy about the Sabres and hoping tonight is their second win.

For the first time ever, John is wearing a belt due to an unfortunate experience on the subway in which he felt violated and now keeps his back to the wall at all times. Must say the rest of us find it hilarious.

We are in Madrid, having taken the night train which was ¨crazy, crazy¨ since I roomed with Courtney, John ¨the King Gypsy¨and Tallon ¨the Gypsy Hobo¨. I´m sure none of this makes sense, but the kids certainly find it funny. Spain is much more relaxed than France, we are appreciating the end to our trip.

Tomorrow is the last day and we´re going to a huge flea market in the morning then a side trip to Toledo in the afternoon. No worries about the credit cards for all of us, none of the visas worked in Paris on the last day but everyone but my husband will be happy to hear that they´re working here in Madrid. Must have been something with the system.

Our hotel is gorgeous, the kids are figuring out bidets for the first time. We can´t believe it´s the end of the trip for which we waited so long. Some are homesick and anxious to return, but overall, it´s been an amazing trip. I´ve traveled four times previously with groups, but none better than this one. The students are extremely respectful and easy to get along with and the chaperones terrific. Court and John even recovered his camera at the Eiffel Tower when they left it on the bench, truly a miracle. Otherwise, there have been absolutely no mishaps. The weather is perfect.

The best part of the trip for me has been the opportunity to spend time with students and to really listen to them. So often now, unlike when I was teaching, I have limited time to talk with any one student and to get to know them. I´ve had the chance to do that again on this trip and really enjoyed every second of it.

We head home at 4:00 in the morning Tuesday, I´ll try to write again tomorrow but if not, this blog, and the rest of us, return to business as usual in G-Town. An adventure such as ours is nice, but coming home to the family and friends who we love is even better. Love to all from España. Adios Gypsies.