Still Struggling

Okay, here’s the deal. Several readers have emailed to encourage me to keep writing. You’ve said we need your voice out here, especially now, as an assistant superintendent.  On the contrary, my friend David, who does a job similar to my new job in another district, called today and said, “see, that’s why I was struggling to blog when as a principal, you were writing away.” And readers know my own superintendent has tried and struggled to find a place for a superintendent’s voice on the blog. So if I’m going to write at this point, it’s going to be about the transition because that’s what’s on my mind, as I drive home and when I wake up.

About transitions, I’ve been through them before. From teacher to dean of students in Pine Valley. To Assistant Principal at Frontier Middle. To High School Principal at Randolph. To High School Principal at Gowanda. I like change. The transitions went well.

Maybe I was able to write as a principal because I was confident in that position.  It served as a great reflective practice for me. Often, comments received were about how transparent and authentic I was. Risky. Some colleagues questioned the wisdom of my honesty, my putting it all out there. I was so passionate about my topic, my job, and my kids that I wrote fearlessly, secure in the knowledge that I always had everyone’s best interest in mind.

What do I write now? Do you really want to read about our upcoming staff development? Or my need and search for training in grant writing?  Do I write about my research on annual professional performance reviews? How about gradebook training or the decision about who’s getting the 18 interactive whiteboards and why? I’m not sure anyone really wants to read all that. And if I’m as transparent and honest as I was when writing for the past 14 months, I’m not sure I’m ever going to be as passionate about those responsibilities as I was about my principal responsibilities.

A little perspective. My friend with the same job says it will get better. We’re only seven days of school into it and next week I’m planning to spend time in the classrooms at the middle school and elementary school. That should be very good for me. Problem is, they’ll be someone else’s kids in someone else’s classrooms in someone else’s school. Does that problem make sense to anyone? Maybe I just need to get my butt in gear and make this job what I want it to be, what it should be to drive our district forward. Or maybe I just gave up the best job of my life.

See why I’m not writing?

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7 Comments
  1. Kimberley,

    I want to point out another advantage of your writing. Sometimes we really are blogging for ourselves. Trying to work out our ideas aloud, so to speak.

    And others benefit from us making those struggles with our careers and our decisions transparent, but that is just a side benefit.

    I think it’s easy to get focused on why would anyone want to read these struggles, but it’s often those posts that are the most powerful.

    I do think you have an incredible opportunity to help everyone see administrators as people, to see how they have to balance so many interests and resources, and how that works out.

    Your teachers and students are still the ones you are doing this for. Writing about this could really enable a new level of understanding in your district.

    Of course do what feels right to you. Transitions are difficult and your sharing makes a difference.

    I hope as you go through this journey, you’ll find a way to keep sharing.

    Thanks, Carolyn

  2. Kimberly — I can relate to this and I am not in the field of education. Yet, moving from having to direct and daily contact with my clients to now managing a team that has this contact has been a huge challenge. The minutia is just that — minutia. Where I get energized is when I get back in front of the clients. It what I need to recharge my batteries even if they are someone else’s clients. Please keep writing about the transition, the annual development/personal evaluation forms, smartboards, etc. We all have a lot to learn — from each other.

    Good luck —

    Elizabeth

  3. Kimberly, maybe I have my head screwed on backwards, but it seems to me that you have given all the reasons to continue this blog in your text above.

    I want to know how you think and feel, not only about your passions, but about the mundane administrative tasks you’re saddled with. Your thoughts and feelings bring the ordinary, everyday stuff to life, and provide a collaborative opportunity for people to reflect on your thoughts and their own responsibilities that run parallel to yours.

    If you haven’t read “What It’s Like On The Inside” by The Science Goddess, check her out. She writes engagingly on all of these things and somehow fits in doctoral studies. (In my blogroll.)

  4. While the minutia of those decisions don’t sound interesting to you, or even to me, honestly ;), the process behind making those decisions is interesting. How are the demands balanced? What are valid, research-supported criteria for making the tough choices?

    You write, “I always had everyone’s best interest in mind.” I’m certain this hasn’t changed, and as long as you wrestle with the decisions facing you in your new role from this perspective, your writing will remain compelling, informative, and inspirational.

    You are in a position few educators attain; your district is looking to you for leadership and so are your readers. Finding your rhythm will take time; we are patient and in your corner.

  5. Kimberly,

    Interesting post; interesting predicament! I am a middle school principal who often struggles with the same thoughts about the principalship v. the calssroom – and this is my 6th year as a principal. But I have been wondering, as I am working toward my doctorate, if I am not better suited to a district office position – I love currculum and instruction; I do not think that I am the best manager – of a building, of events, of people. I will be eager to see how you work through this! Is a person suited for a paricular position or can you mold the position to suit the person?

    Sue King

  6. I can relate as this is my first central office position and my first year without my own students and classroom. I think you answered your questions in the second to last sentence in your post! Mine too! Have you read the little book by Seth Godin “The Dip?” David Jakes also wrote a great article about this book as it relates to education: http://www.techlearning.com/blog/2007/08/learn_then_lean.php Maybe you have already come across these resources, but I share them as they are helping me right now and may help others out there that are “leaning” right now and working to accomplish their goals. Best wishes to you. I enjoy your insight and willingness to share despite the challenges that come to you and your blogging endeavors. Keep your chin up! You are not alone! Peace! NH

  7. So take a break from this. You wrote more than any principal out there (I think). And now you’re finding your way in a new job, new responsibilities, etc.

    So figure out what you’re doing. And if you gain the confidence required, and an idea about the appropriate direction, you’ll start up again.

    But no need to force it until you are comfortable. You have given your readers more than any of us had a right to expect. I think we will be patient.

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