Acceptance & Tolerance/GSA?

At the beginning of this year, three students met with me about starting a group for gay students. We talked a lot about what they wanted out of the group, what they thought the purpose of the group would be, and what they needed from us. They weren’t really clear on all of those questions and neither was I. So we moved forward with a caring counselor as the volunteer adult in the room, the three kids met after school with her, and we called it the “Acceptance and Tolerance” group. Kids had to get permission to stay after school and Jen facilitated.

Next, we hosted “Rachel’s Challenge”, an assembly program which talks about treating everyone with kindness and compassion. The next week’s “Acceptance and Tolerance” group met and 46 students showed up.  46 out of 500! The students talked about being the GSA, Gay-Straight Alliance, and about why each person was there. Most were straight kids who wanted to show support for their friends.

Now I have even more questions. Is it the role of the school to run a club that’s basically about sexuality or is this beyond our school’s purpose? Or is the purpose of the club really something else? Is it really about acceptance and tolerance and treating everyone fairly, with respect? Does it limit the group if it’s focused on the differences we have sexually? Wouldn’t it be more inclusive if it was about diversity and included all of the ways we differ, but more important, all of the ways we’re the same? I need to attend the next meeting, so I can ask the students those questions.

Is it a case of an open forum, with the students meeting on their own and using the building the same way other organizations would ask to use our building? What do they really hope to accomplish as a “club”? How do I support all students within our academic setting, and by support I mean protect, listen to, understand, and create an environment that’s so safe and caring that every child can achieve to his fullest? And again, what do they hope to accomplish–what will they actually do as a school group?

How do I say “yes, we hear you”, but now can we get back to the issues of your homework, attendance, class performance? How do I say, “yes, I accept all of you, now get to work”?

And the personal question I keep coming back to, the Kim question that’s unrelated to the professional person, wonders why anyone would want to be defined by this one part of who they are? I try so hard to see people for ALL that they are, not judging them for one piece, that it’s hard for me to understand why anyone would want to be DEFINED by one thing. I want to say, yes, you’re gay, so what? You’re a lot of things and I see them all. I support you simply because you are ours, a G-Town student.

12 Comments
  1. I’ve read all these comments about gays being only one group that needs tolerance. You’re right, there is so much more to tolerance than just kindness to minorities; we really need kindness to everyone, regardless of sexuality, looks, personality, or whatever else it is that always seems to seperate people. Are gays only one group of many? Yes. But is this club still important? I think so. I have a few friends that are bisexual, and though I am not, I know that they are just as much in need of support as the rest of us.
    And the GSA seems like it would help with overall acceptance, too. Has anyone else noticed how much the word “gay” is used as an insult? Especially among teens. It seems like, in Gowanda, at least, being gay is very difficult to be honest about. I mean, we lack a lot of drama that the larger schools have to deal with, so we need to find something to do. My point is, if being gay/bi is so difficult to “tolerate”, if we prove our acceptance of that, we can probably become more accepting in many other areas as well.
    We’ll never create a perfect place in which everyone is happy, sure, but hey, it’s high school. ^^ Worth a shot anyway, don’t you think?

  2. Pingback: G-Town Talks » Blog Archive » Follow Up on GSA

  3. I am the mother of a gay son who is now a grown man in his 40’s. If there had been the support of a GSA in his school he would have been a well adjusted and confident student. Coming out as a teen is hard but it relieves the person of the burden of hiding an important part of himself and pretending to conform. Please give this group a chance to show how they can make your school better. PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) has monies available to put books in your school library so more information on being gay is available. Contact us at pflag@bfn.org to apply for these funds.

  4. Lots of students struggle with acceptance………..some students get picked on because of their looks, maybe because of their weight or because they are not as attractive as others. Some students get picked on because of their clothes, while others get picked on because of their personality; for some reason they just don’t “fit in”. All of these things are unfair……….these kids are just being who they are and don’t deserve to be treated unkindly. This is the same with gay students…they are being who they are and therefore treated wrongly. So why aren’t their clubs for all of these other groups I’ve described? I don’t think the school should focus more on on club that promotes tolerance, rather than a club just for gay rights. So many students suffer from being picked on; all students should unite together to treat each other with kindess and just make it a general rule to treat everyone that way…….no matter their situation or who they are.

  5. It seems there is concern that this might be a club defined by sexuality. Gays are a minority defined by their sexuality. Not all gays and lesbians are alike. They have different interests, life paths and histories. As many respondents to this posting have pointed out, we are the only minority that has ever had its rights but up to a popular vote. What would have happened if the civil rights of African Americans had been put up to an individual vote in each state in the 50’s and 60’s? As an adult who lives in relatively liberal New York, I still feel violated every time one of those anti-gay constitutuional amendments passes. How would you feel if your ability to carry health insurance for your family were put up to a vote of the populous and lost over and over again? Remember, being gay and the opbject all of the bigotry associated with it is one of the leading causes of teenage suicide. Given that, do you really want to ban a club that gives support to this group of students?

  6. While I do feel it is very important for those with minority lifestyles to have a means of support and perspective, I do think that sometimes the “majority” is too willing to comply with minority groups without proper thought just because they are minorities.

    I feel that concerns about a sexually-focused group in school are quite valid, regardless of what sexuality that may be. Would someone who wanted to create a group that discusses heterosexuality in school be questioned? Absolutely. Questions should then be raised about a homosexual group not because it is a minority, but simply because it is an aspect of sexuality.

    That said, being “gay” seems to imply more in a person’s lifestyle than sexuality. Also, the fact that it is a “gay-straight alliance” makes me think that sex would only be part of the “dividing lines” that would be discussed. So, in response to the Kim Question, perhaps this group will *not* focus on just one aspect of the members’ lives, but on much more. Of course, monitoring and discussion will be needed to see if it does in fact do that.

  7. Because the issue of homosexuality is so controversial in today’s society, formation of such a group needs to be carefully considered. It needs to have a laudable mission statement that can be defended to the community. GHS doesn’t exist in a vacuum. When word of such a group gets out (and it will) the next BOE meeting could be quite interesting. (I use that last word in the same sense as the ancient Chinese curse “May you live in interesting times”)

    Clearly the school does not want to be accused of encouraging sexual expression, whether of the homo, hetero or any other variety. The school’s primary purpose is as an educational institution. It cannot be a place where students work out their own sexualities in an officially sanctioned way. Of course it is also a social setting where students are learning how to relate to each other and to the various societal groups they will encounter when they leave home and HS. That, it seems to me, is where the school can play a productive role.

    That’s also where we come back to Ms. Moritz’s original questions.

    “How do I support all students within our academic setting, and by support I mean protect, listen to, understand, and create an environment that’s so safe and caring that every child can achieve to his fullest? And again, what do they hope to accomplish–what will they actually do as a school group?”

    These questions have to be carefully thought out and specific purposes of such a group need to be developed. The desire to support fellow students is laudable, but much more thinking needs to be done before formalizing such an impulse in a school sanctioned group.

  8. You want a group that is not identified by sexuality, the kids need a group that is identified by sexuality. You have a lack of understanding and you want clarification. But hold on, maybe your needs and your wants are not as important as the student’s needs and wants. Have you ever tried talking to a gay adult? Ask him if a group like that would have been helpful in his school. Ask how it felt or if it mattered at all. Kids should be your last resource to ease your mind. They want it, you don’t agree… you want them to want something else. You want them to have different mind sets, goals, and interests. And like the song goes you don’t always get what you want….

  9. I agree with the comments above. I think it is really hard for us to put ourselves into the shoes of a minority, and understand why they seem to define themselves by it. Our heterosexual life isn’t questioned everywhere we go. We don’t have to fight so hard to live this kind of life. Take a second to list the number of places homosexuality is put down and by whom, it is in the news where they are fighting for marriage rights, it is in the religious arena, in our schools by their peers, and often in their homes by their parents, and the list goes on. Asking why they feel the need to band together to fight for their rights is like asking why any minority bands together for the right to fit in. Why did we go through civil rights and women’s rights? I don’t know what these students are expecting to gain by forming this group, but if it is a group of being supported, which it sounds like it is, then we need it. We need to do more supporting of eachother, instead of tearing eachother down. I welcome this into our school.

  10. I think the contrast of your last two posts really illustrates the problem with students wanting to start a GSA club. Did the BIT ever stop to think, “Is it the role of the school to make a family’s Christmas a little better?” Why would you feel a need to question if it is the school’s place to have a club like the GSA? BEcause we do not feel comfortable with issues of sexuality. Is it our job to educate the whole child or just the parts that are going to be measured by the regents exams? I agree with JW’s comments. It is not that they want to be defined by one aspect of their lives; they want that to be a part of their lives. Many homosexual teens feel that they need to bury or hide their sexuality. It is not an issue for heterosexuals, so it is hard for us to understand. I deal with sexuality in my Health class. Inevitably homosexuality comes up. I had one class where a student said, “My dad said if I came home and told him I was a homosexual, he would get out the shot gun and shoot me.” Now image if there was a homosexual student in the same class listening to that comment.

  11. I would like to comment on the last paragraph of your blog: “The Kim Question”. You ask “why anyone would want to be DEFINED by one thing”. I ask: what if during your adolescences, your sexuality was looked at as dirty, embarrassing, and may cause you physical harm if ANYONE finds out about how you really feel.

    Then, one day a group of students get together and say: “Hey, you are not alone! There are more people like you, who won’t hurt you! Come and be a part of this group in school where you can talk about how you feel for the first time in your life!”

    I’ve talked to students who told me if their family found out they was gay they would “kick the s**t” out of them. I don’t remember feeling that way when I was asked out by someone of the opposite gender…because that is acceptable in this society. People are harassed, beaten, and even killed for being who they are…just for being gay.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that these kids will one day understand all the layers to their personality and place value on those many traits, just like we do as adults. They won’t need to be defined as just one thing. But right now they need a place to not feel ashamed about this one, very important part of themselves.

    Whether G-Town decides to have a GSA or not, I feel that a group like this could help students grow to be adults that do not need to be defined as only gay.

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